what would you do?

somethings are confusing and somethings make sense. this is just confusing, and it doesn't really make sense to me. This happened several months ago. but I wanted to remember it because it was such a odd night.

guidance? I got off work and called my friend Rhiana to see if she wanted to go eat dinner. We met at super salad.
after we ate we drove in my car to Target.
I had a weird, bad feeling in Target, like we needed to leave. like something bad was going to happen. I was creeped out. We left.

It was freezing cold. bitter cold. deathly cold actually. My lungs hurt from running from Target to the car. holy cow it was cold.

We are sitting in the car in the parking lot at super salad. Rhiana not wanting to leave because my car was so warm. We're just talking, Rhiana looks up, she gasps, I look up. Standing out side of the car is a man. asking me to roll down my window. Oh crap i think.

I am hesitant but end up rolling it down. He says he's freezing (I believe that.) He's trying to get to Provo. He just got out of incarceration he's trying to get to his nephew. I'm sitting in the car shocked this is happening. He tells us his nephew is sick and someone took his car so he has no way of coming to get him. I say. okay. well how did you get here. He says he took the trax station. I say okay, go back to the trax station and take that to Provo. He says it doesn't go any further South. and all the buses were done for the night. it was about 10ish... I'm like holy freak what is going on. I can't let this dude in my car. I don't know what to do. but i can't just drive off. it was so cold outside. I was thinking he's going to die if he stays in this weather all night. i don't know what to do .... i don't know what to do.... I call my brother in law to ask him, he doesn't answer.... I didn't know who else to call... I call 911. I tell them exactly what is going on, I ask if the can send a police officer to asses the situation. The operator tells me that a officer is not going to come give this guy a ride. I say to her. what would you suggest I do? I don't feel comfortable letting him in my car because it is just me and my friend. but I don't feel comfortable just driving away because it is so cold. She says. well i don't suggest you let him in the car. She was no help. ( I had rolled my window up because i didn't want the guy to know i had called 911, by this point he is walking away, I'm sure he just figured we weren't going to do anything to help him.)

I hang up with the 911 dispatcher lady. I say to Rhiana I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I say God. I don't know what to do. what do I do? I don't feel, anything. The only thing I think is, "when you help the least of them you are helping me" I say okay Rhiana get out of my car, I'm going to go get him. She says. you cant go get him by yourself. I say okay. are you okay with this? are you okay with going to pick him up to take him somewhere. she says yeah.

We drive to go find him. he has gone left but we have to turn right because there is a median in the middle of the road. we pull up right behind a police officer... I start honking my horn and flashing my lights. I guess he doesn't hear me because he just drives off.. I'm like really? we turn around to go get him. I pull up right next to him I say. HEY. You have to understand I am not comfortable letting you in my car. We are two girls alone. and you are some random dude we don't know, asking for a ride to Provo. I said, But. I do know how cold it is outside. and I don't feel comfortable just driving off to let you die in the cold. I said there can be NO FUNNY BUSINESS. My friend will have her cell phone ready to push 911. and that bag, Your bag. I don't know whats in your bag. You CAN NOT have that in the back with you... he says, that's okay, thats okay, here take it you can hold it as he's pushing it in the open window. and I said and your coat... I don't know if you have a knife or a gun or whatever could be in your pocket... he's like, No, no i don't I don't have anything like that, here you can take it all, I'm just so cold, I'm freezing cold, thank you thank you so much. You have idea how cold I am, as he's taking his gloves, hats coat, everything off handing it to Rhaian through the window. he shows us his passport. I say. Okay. now you can get in the back. He's about crying he's saying thank you thank you.

He gets in the car. LOOONG story short. we drive in 35 min to Provo. I DO NOT suggest picking up random strangers and giving them a ride. BUT. for some reason I think he needed us that night. it was because i trusted God, and thought when you serve the least of them you are serving me. I felt like it was the right thing to do.no matter how crazy. dumb. asinine it seems. that night was freezing cold. ( if it wasn't so bitter cold. I would never have done that.) I used my street smarts ( yep. yep. i did.) and i helped out someone down on there luck. I hope it never happens again. but I'm thankful for the safety i was blessed.

God is aware. God was aware of that man. He was aware of me. He was aware of Rhiana. and i can only assume he sent us to help him. I'm thankful for my safety. and I hope that man is making better choices.

i cried it out. and now i feel better

I don't usually cry a ton. but tonight i cant stop my heart chakara is warm, not the good oh i feel so nice and warm in my bosom warm. its kind of a dull ache feeling. My understanding is so small. so tiny. so little. But tonight I'm sad. I look like hell too. my eyes are all sorts of red and puffy. my nose is stuffed. my hair is in a braid and I'm blowing my nose in a red handkerchief. I'm so happy I'm single.... hahaha. seriously though. actually i wouldn't want anyone to see me like this. I have this doll I've had since i was a baby. her name is jamie pie. she sort of looks like a baby clown. but she's soft and squishy and i love her. i remember i use to not be able to sleep with out her. one night we couldn't find her I wasn't going to be able to sleep until i had her with me. I think my dad found her. maybe it was my mom. I don't remember. Its okay to cry. it gets out the stuff you don't need inside your body... right?? yea. i guess so. it's easy to have a pity party and then you have to slap your face because you weren't just in a tsunami. why the heck is there a dumb T in the front of that word. and chameleon I still don't know how to say that word right the first time. I hope I've never caused anyone so much hurt that they cried and cried. Oh my gosh I'm so drama tonight. I'm going from one thing to another. crying about that. then i settle myself then i start thinking about something else... lol oh hells bells. get a grip. I haven't bit my nails in a while. that's successful. and I've been moisturizing my face daily that's so lovely. although i have a big pile of clothes on my floor waiting to be put in there rightful place in the closet I forgive myself. I really do like doing things a Mom would do. and i really do wonder if i ever will be a mom. I'm so scared of the thought of ever having kids and maybe scaredier I'll never have the chance. Men scare the crap out of me. I don't get them. I don't understand them. I hate them. yet i love them. Its such a bizarre mess. Whatever I thought love was. isn't really. I'm so lucky I've really been blessed with the best best friends in my life. whenever I've had a best friend. I've had aBEST friend. and unless i find that in a dude version I wont ever get married. I don't want to. I don't care who's reading this. I don't care who's not reading this. Its just making me feel better to type these words. haha. i know. I'm crazy. what eve. :)